Dear Friend,
Last night, I was watching High School Musical (the sing-along version, of course) with some of my friends, and as I was watching it and singing my little heart out, there was something that Gabriela said to Troy that struck me. She said, “Do you remember in kindergarten how you’d meet a kid and know nothing about them, then 10 minutes later you’re playing like your best friends because you didn’t have to be anything but yourself?” Of course, she is referring to how she felt while singing with Troy (#Troyella), but I was a little saddened to think that making friends isn’t as easy as kindergarten anymore.
It is hard to find genuine people to surround yourself with and choose to love you. Friends are different from family in that way, and they shape us in more ways than we often realize. Before coming to college, my mom told me, “You are the sum of the five closest people to you.”
I didn’t think much of it then, but as I became extremely close with my first group of friends in college, my habits began to change. The more I hung out with them, the more I became like them. I realized that though some of them are still some of my closest friends, the group as a whole was not a good influence. I needed to surround myself with people who I wanted to be like, who desired a relationship with Christ, who would push me to grow as a person, and who would create a source of love and comfort rather than stress.
One of the things that makes the start of college or a new environment feel somewhat lonely is that you feel unknown. Your friends from home won’t truly understand your life at college, and your friends from college won’t completely understand your life before college, making it harder to share things with both. I felt this especially as I decided to distance myself more from this first group of friends. So how should we go about making new friends, when it is so much harder than Kindergarten?
Start by Being a Friend to Yourself and Jesus
Before sharing insights on how to make new friends, I want to make a note about being a good friend to yourself and Jesus. Only two people know everything about you—your thoughts, what you are feeling, and your experiences—you and Jesus. As much as you might share with your dog, mom, or any of your friends, they only know what you choose to share. So, shouldn’t our relationships with ourselves and Jesus be treated as friendships, if not the best friendships?
What I mean by this when it comes to yourself is you need to love yourself just as you love your friends. It is very easy to be critical of yourself, but when you are talking to yourself, specifically being harsh, it is good to ask, would I say this to someone I love? We need to be kind to ourselves to have the confidence to be ourselves and invite others to know our authentic selves.
Jesus is another friend we want to have in our lives. He is there to listen to and support us, but like any friendship, how can you know someone if you don’t spend time together? He is always there in your suffering and your joy, and he wants you to let him in, to know you and love you. So spend time with Him in prayer, in front of the sacraments, reading scripture, getting to know Him because He is the realest BFF you could ever have.
Look for People who Share Your Values
It took me a while to learn that friendships can be drama-free. I know it sometimes feels like a crazy concept to believe, but we should look for people we feel comfortable being ourselves around rather than people who make us feel like we should try to be someone else. Prioritize values like love, loyalty, honesty, support, accountability, encouragement, compassion, and a shared faith. These are the friends who will inspire you and support you on your journey.
Proverbs 27:17 says, “As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.” The right friends will help you become the best version of yourself. So, surround yourself with people who push you to grow and live authentically.
(More scripture on friends: Proverbs 13:20, Galatians 6:2, John 15:13, Ephesians 4:32)
Go to Where the People Are- Clubs and Organizations
When I realized I needed a more virtuous community, I turned to the Catholic center on campus. I was initially nervous, but I knew that if I committed to showing up consistently, God would bring good things from it. I joined a Bible study, got involved with University Catholic leadership, and attended events and retreats.
Joining clubs and organizations is a great way to meet people with similar interests and goals. Whether it’s a Bible study, a hiking club, an intramural sport, or a photography group, these spaces help foster meaningful connections. It’s scary to put yourself out there, but going where the people are will help you find your tribe.
Don’t be Afraid to Reach Out
It’s intimidating to make the first move, but people are more often than not willing to connect. Don’t wait for someone else to text first! Ask for their number, invite them to coffee, or suggest going to Mass together. While it might feel awkward at first, reaching out can lead to beautiful friendships, and if not, it still never hurts to talk to new people.
(Tip: complimenting someone’s outfit, jewelry, hair, etc., is always a great way to enter into a convo)
Be Patient- Friendships Take Time
When you gain friends, gain them through testing, and do not be quick to trust them. Sirach 6: 7
As much as I wish I could walk up to someone and immediately become best friends with them, things don’t work that way anymore. Even if we got along right away, building trust with another person takes time. It is essential not to invest everything from the beginning but to be observant of new friends and ensure they are a safe place to share, especially before you share deeply.
Just know that finding the right friends for you takes time, and it is okay if it is hard at first or you need to reevaluate who you are spending your time with.
Be Yourself
As cheesy as it sounds, remember to be yourself because Your authentic self will attract the right people. That’s why it is so easy in kindergarten to make friends, because little kids are just their silly selves, and they don’t shy away from that. Remember, Jesus thought you were worth dying for, so you’re already pretty incredible!
Have Hope
God is so good, and He wants to bring people into your life who will lead you closer to Him. Pray for those friendships and trust that He will provide. It may take time, but God has a plan for the relationships in your life.
As I started showing up, I began forming relationships that have become some of the most beautiful friendships I have had. These people are people I became good friends with, and they allow me to live my life without compartmentalizing my faith. We talk about any aspect of life, our faith, and God. I never feel judged or uncomfortable. I have authentic friends who inspire me in their faith and push me to grow in mine. These friends bring me joy and make me feel loved and supported.
I am praying for you and your friendships. Remember that you are not alone in this journey, and “We’re all in this together!” GO WILDCATS!
With love,
A Catholic Girl (aka Jillian)
